Odd Engies: A Grim Bloody Fable - Chapter 1
by YeszCore
Summary: When Saxton Hale sends the lazy BLU team flying to another world, the mercs try to survive amoungst themselves in equestria, all while defending themselves against the meanicing Garynx Modum.


**A Grim Bloody Fable**

**Chapter 1: The Void We Call the Sky**

_**Author's Note: **_ For whoever created the Saxxy entry, "Odd Engies." Without you, this wouldn't be here.

_**(I do not own the video, "Odd Engies," Or Team fortress two, Or My little pony. I only own this story. That's my disclaimer. Only putting it once; it applies to all the chapters.)**_

The clouded winds of dustbowl ran across BLU Demoman's face. He had a viking hat on, and a blonde beard and pipe. His friends had said, "Hey, it's blonde beard the pirate!" just to make fun of him. He soon proceeded to lecture them about how much the stuff was worth. Preparing to exit the mine shaft that was his spawn, he stepped into the sunlight. He stopped in his tracks when he saw the end of a familiar red laser. No way was he going to fall for that trap.

_Bloody spawn campers…_ he thought. An idea sparked in his head. _Oi_, _I'll show the wee lasses face-to-face man fightin'._

He went back to his supply locker. Demoman pulled out three of his most radical items; The Stickyjumper, The Ullapool Caber, and best of all, his Strange Loch-n-Load, _The Sentry-Down._ He had named it after all the misery he had caused engineers.

There were now two stickybombs placed on the ground just outside of spawn. Demoman grinned, already planning what he would do. Peeking out the corner of his base, he saw Sniper, who had just nailed a friendly Heavy in the face. He glanced at Demoman, and cockily waved at him. After all, they were being _paid _to fight; it wasn't like they actually hated each other.

Demo grinned and saluted him back. Jumping over the stickybombs, he clicked the little button on the side of the launcher.

"KABOOOOOM!" The explosives expert had transformed into an acrobat as he flew past the fight scenes in a matter of seconds. RED sniper looked up from his scope in what turned from mild amusement to, "Ah, piss."

A fiery explosion of caber and camper erupted in the battleground. Demo, who had barely made it out alive, was launched far into the air. He whipped out his Sentry-Down, and flung a round of delicately deadly grenades at the sentry that had just spotted him.

The engineer screamed as the sentry gun he had worked so hard on flew to pieces, along with his body. But, of course, the sentry was more important than him. Engie logic.

He gave a menacing grin. "Oi," He looked at his face-melting Loch-n-Load, "That right there is yer namesake." He pointed to the pile of scrap he had just created.

"The gun can't hear ya, ya frikin' bomb-throwin' drunk." BLU scout remarked, already capturing the unguarded control point with Demoman.

"Hey, don't you tell me about what to do with inanimate objects. I've seen those magazines you keep in yer pocket." Demoman pointed beck to spawn with his thumb. "Oi, if _my _mother caught me with one of those nasty things, I'd be out of me own house in a minute."

Scout reddened. "How the hell would _you _expect me to make more of this shit in less than a minute?" He pointed to his bottle of Mad Milk.

Demoman's face scrunched up. _What's he talking abo-..._ _Oh, god…_

"That's… oh me Lord… I didn't know… oh I'm gonna be sick…"

Scout burst into laughter. "And you get hit with it on a regular basis! HA!"

Demoman facepalmed, as the point was finally captured. Scout remembered what he wanted to discuss. "Hey, you know how you got that jumpy bomb thingy?"

"Yes, lad, why?"

"Well, do ya think you could make sumthin' like that for me?"

Demo thought about it for a moment. "Well, it'll come at a price, lad."

Scout's face fell. "What?! Come on, man, I'm your team mate! Your brotha'! We're bros!"

Demoman chuckled. "You'll have to buy me a pack o whiskey every day for a month if ya want the gun."

Scout's shoulder's drooped. "Ugh, fine, whateva'."

They won the round and went back to spawn, everybody pooped and tired from a long day of fighting and death. The entire BLU team was partying, as they had won enough rounds to keep red out. They had dustbowl, one of the most valuable maps, for keeps.

Heavy noticed how well Demoman was doing with all of his "tiny guns." He especially liked the one where he could "go boom and not be ded." Heavy wished he could fly like Demoman and Solider, but he never had anything like the Stickyjumper before. Heavy wanted to fly like a bird.

"Demoman," Heavy asked, "Do you think I could use dat gun? De orange gun?"

Demo was surprised that his giant of a college would ask that. Heavy always took such pride in his weapons; it was a very low stoop for him to ask for Demoman's smaller guns. After all, he was _Heavy Weapons _guy.

"You want one of mine?" He asked, still astounded.

"Da. I always wanted to… to fly like bird. Like you."

Spy erupted into a fit of cackling. "HA! You? A blubbering, fat bear like you, in the sky, FLYING? HAHAHAHA! You have an imagination, Heavy."

Heavy frowned. "At least I am not afraid of such simple task, coward. You would be scared of little sky and start crying so much it rains on RED team and they beat you up."

Demoman had thought about Heavy's proposition. "Well, I wouldn't say it's impossible, Spy. I could probably whip up something for all of ye, if I had help." He looked at Engineer. "What do ya say, lad? Are ye up to the task?"

Engineer was rubbing his temples. "Hm? Yeah, yeah, sure…"

Solider had noticed the tone in engineer's voice. "What's up, Engie?"

He sighed. "I've been having some terrible migraines in the past week…" he sighed again, as if it pained him to speak.

Medic quirked an eyebrow. "Has it been going on for zat long? You should have told me earlier, mien friend! Come, I vwill work somezing out for you."

"No, doc, I'll be fine. Just a little headache is all."

Medic was still a tad worried about Engineer. _With all the medical attention we get, it should be impossible to be experiencing such a migraine for so long… Oh, it is probably just a side effect of the respawning. _

* * *

"So!" Demoman shouted to alert everybody's attention. "I got you yer new guns!"

The team applauded Demoman. "Oi, don't thank me, lads! Thank the genious behind the bloody things!" He pointed to Engineer. More applause was given to the pained engineer, who was still experiencing chronic headaches after a month.

"I want mine first!" Scout hopped up and down. He had to scrap up enough money to buy Demo's favorite whiskey for an entire month. He even had to sell one of his signed baseball cards for enough money for one week. The rest of the team gave him an assorted arrangement of things. Solider gave him an Arabic hat, Medic gave him vitamins for his drinks, Heavy gave him a steak cooked in beer, Spy gave him a prank kit, and Pyro gave him… a burnt stick. Sniper handed him a bottle of "foreign vodka."

"Erm… sniper… are ye sure this is vodka?" He looked at the liquid inside the glass. It had a dark yellow tint to it.

"Of course it is, ma-" He took the bottle and sniffed it. "Oh. Erm, no, this isn't for you, mate." He switched the bottle with one from his backpack. "That should be it.

" Anyway, Scout! Here it is, laddie." He pulled out an orange scattergun. It had wind pipes on the front, with a small assortment of poles and pipes on the back of it. It was a far larger than his Force-a-nature, but much lighter.

"Whoa, this is frikin awesome!" He pulled the trigger and nothing happened. "What do I do?"

"You've gotta hold the trigger down and wait for the little bars on the left corner of the barrel to fill up. Then ya let go."

"Awesome!" He dashed outside and practically flew away on his new toy.

Demoman laughed at his eagerness. "Alright. Solly! You're next."

Soldier was surprised. "I already have one of those things."

"I know, I made one for less… _practical_ purposes." He handed Soldier what looked like a Rocketjumper, but it had 10 holes for rockets to come out, and its width varied in a zigzag pattern, becoming thicker and thinner as it reached the back, where it was what looked like an exhaust pipe. "These rockets explode in mid air, lad, so ye don't have to hit it against a wall. Might not be very safe for battle, but, boyo, is it fun as hell!"

Solider looked at it with amusement. "Well, we _are _basically on vacation. Might as well."

"Okay then, who's next… Heavy! Oh, boy, do I got a treat for ya!" Heavy's face lit up with anticipation. Demoman pulled out a pair of golden yellow boxing gloves and a pair of boots, both plated in orange and fold painted chain armor. The soles and palms of them had what looked like orange cushions plated in little sections of the hand. The cushions were firm, but not at all like the texture of a pillow; more like a rubbery plastic, as they could be pressed in easily.

"Don't go high-fivin' people with it, tubby," Sniper remarked.

"And for ye, Sniper!" Demo bellowed. "This is a fancy one." He handed to him a jar filled with an orange liquid. "I had to get it modeled by… erm… some 'old acquaintances.'"

A little robotic head peeked out of his backpack. "Spaaaace…" It whispered.

"Shut up, I'll do it later," Demo said, stuffing him back in the bag.

Sniper looked at the jar with an idea of how to use it. "So I throw it, right? At my feet?"

"Nope." Engineer cut in. "Throw it in the place you want to jump from. It'll build a flexible device to fling you wherever you want."

Sniper grinned. "Wicked!"

"That's not all." Engineer pulled out a blue and yellow jumpsuit and a blue hood. "You'll be able to stick to wherever you land with this baby."

Sniper beamed. "Hooley DOOEY! I'll stand out like a bug with that thing!" He laughed and tried it on. "Wow, this is cozy…"

Demoman laughed at his success. "Now for you, Medic. THIS is a pretty neat one." He laid on the table a syringe gun with three different barrels. It had little blue packets as the clips.

"You pull the trigger and it changes the gravitational pull on you or your teammates. Isn't that neat?" Engie said.

Medic was fascinated by this. "Zis is amazing! Zank you, zank you! I always dreamed of defying science. I schaudenfrude at zee, Einstein!" He shot Pyro, and he was soon walking along the walls with Medic.

"MPH! Hud hudah huh huh, hudda!" He cried.

"Okay, fine, I vwill be less rash next time."

"Spy! Look at this here!" Demo called. He handed to him an orange fedora with a propeller on it.

"Is… this it?" Spy frowned. "I thought that you were cleverer than that, Demoman."

"Aye, but you see, I _was_ clever with this one." He gave spy a disguise kit that was similarly colored and fashioned as the hat. Spy opened the kit, and 4 different holograms popped up. One was a helicopter-like box, about half the size of Spy's body and with a small set of propellers. The next was a small triangle with rocket boosters on the bottom, in similar proportion to the helicopter. The third was a chair with multiple legs and claws protruding from the center of the vehicle. The last one was a huge orange ball.

Spy grinned. "Oh, I'm going to have fun with these…"

Demoman chuckled. "The first one is fer hoverin' around and the like. The second is for fast transportation. The third is what I call 'The Spycrab': It climbs walls and performs a multitude of acrobatics and gymnastics. The last one is my personal favorite: You get inside and fly the bloody hell around like there's no tomorrow!"

Spy was now laughing with gratitude. "My appreciation, amigo!"

"And last but not least," Demo announced, "Pyro." He handed him a gun with a balloon strapped to the back. It had fans and windpipes all over the barrels and sides of it.

Pyro grabbed it and sniffed it. He stood up and gave a laugh of glee, holding it above his head. He ran out to join Scout with his new rainbow maker.

"Alright, all ye wee laddies have fun, now." Demo said.

Suddenly, Scout came back , running faster than his little legs could carry him. His face was a face of terror.

"You won't believe what's happening," He said, "It's the guy… with the hat… and the buff… he's here!"

They all looked at him with blank faces. "What the hell are you talking about?" Solider asked.

"That guy… what's his name…"

"SAXTON HAAAAAAAAALE!"

A crash was heard above them, and a giant cloud of dust erupted in their faces.

"Yeah, yeah, that was his na- oh." Scout realized who was in front of them.

"So I hear you've been SLACKING OFF instead of claiming land for me, eh?" The Australian macho man said. "Well, I am not going to tolerate a bunch of peace-loving whoosies like you being paid by ME, THE CEO OF MANN CO, SAXTON HALE. I'm going to murder you with my DAMN BARE HANDS."

He picked up the table, and with the members of BLU sitting on the chairs attached to the table, he jumped and brought them outside with a single bound. They landed on a dune of sand behind their base.

"I WILL NOT. STAND FOR. HIPPIEEEES!" With all his might and hatred for hippies, he jumped into the sky, and crashed down on the table with his fist. It flipped over millions of times in a single second before shattering to pieces, and launched the members of BLU into the atmosphere.

Hale tipped his hat. "Don't think it's over yet."

* * *

Demoman woke up in a place he had never seen before. It was a beautiful place; there were clouds underneath him, the sun shone brightly over his head, warming him up after the long flight he had just been through. He looked around. None of his team members were around. He didn't really mind though, because he was in a place where he knew he wouldn't need any friends.

The sunlight suddenly began to dim, and he saw the ground underneath him slipping away. The light and the clouds were running away from him, as if they knew he shouldn't be there.

_You are not ready, Tavish Degroot._

The land he was in was so far away now that it just appeared as a light; a small light, only enough to look like a candle on the other side of a room. But Demoman saw it as the light on the other side of a cave, where he was so close, yet he had so much more to go through before he could get there.

Another voice was calling him. But this time, it was less high and authoritive. It was a voice that was softer, a woman's voice this time, but with the same comforting gentleness.

"Are you… alright?"

Tavish suddenly felt the ground beneath him return. This time it was firm, grassy ground. He could feel is arms and legs, and a throbbing pain returned to him all over his body. He groaned, remembering what happened. He opened his eyes and saw a girl in a yellow sweater looking at him. She had bright pink hair that curled around her face down to her shoulders, as if she were trying to hide away from the world. She was probably about twenty.

"Where…" He tried to get up, but his legs gave way due to the pain. "Agh, where am I?"

"You're in Evertree Forest," The girl responded quietly, "What happened to you?"

Demoman was too weak to answer. His head fell back to the ground, revealing the blood pooling behind him.

The girl practically fainted apoun seeing how hurt he was. "Oh my goodness, you need medical attention! Come on, I'll bring you inside." She noticed his eye patch. "Oh, you poor thing, what could have done this to you?"

Demoman woke up again on a couch, with bandages and gauze wrapped around his head. He was in a cottage, probably still in the forest. The girl was in the next room, looking in cabinets and muttering things to herself.

Demo stretched and yawned, flinching at the pain in his tendons.

The girl looked back, as if startled. "Oh, you're awake!"

"Oi… thank you for takin' me in, lass," he said in a raspy, strained voice. "I don't reckon anybody doin a kinder thing for me."

She smiled, shaking her head. "Oh, it was nothing, really; I couldn't have just left you there, could I?" She went back to the cabinet. "Now, I've got to get the right medicine for your wounds to heal. By the way, my name's Fluttershy."

"It's very nice to meet ye, Fluttershy. I'm very thankful of ye for doin' this." Something about that word, _medicine_ had rung a bell in his head. He remembered somebody who worked with medicine, but who was it?

Medic.

And medic was part of his team.

Where was his team?

He wanted to rush out the door and look for them, but his legs would not respond. _Well, I guess there's a lot to think about while I'm here…_

* * *

_No. Not today. I won't be your victim…_ the sprinting long-range assassin thought. Sniper was fleeing from a monster he had only had dreams about, fleeing from his childhood nightmare that he had never gotten over.

The springing hops of the terror came closer, gaining up on him. It's gibberish, nonsensical cries of complete insanity growing ever louder.

Sniper felt himself falling, tripping over a root from a massive tree. He tried to get up, but his injured arms gave way. _Face it, _a voice told him. _You're in its grasp now. You're doomed._

He had to face the most terrible, horrific, nightmare Sniper could ever imagine.

Sociality.

"…and then there was this whole world where everybody was a pony and I was all pink and stuff and some had wings and horns and we all had tattoos on our butts and one even had holes in her legs! Well, technically, she was a changeling, but she still looked like a pony, but then again, she had these spiky wings and stuff and her horn was all weird and crackly and creepy and yucky and OMYGOSH are you alright?" The skipping girl came to an abrupt stop after seeing her new best friend on the ground. She was a short girl with the most ridiculous, poofy, hot-pink hair imaginable. She wore a pink T-shirt that was about 5 sizes too big for her. Everything about her was pink. Even her Yogas and socks were a bright, energetic and mildly annoying pink.

The fact that she was skipping so fast after Sniper barefoot amazed him. "Ow… yes… I'm fine… just don't hurt me…"

The girl sat down and laughed, falling over. "I wouldn't hurt my best friend! Or anybody for that matter."

"For the last time, I'm _not _your best friend, Sheila." He got up into a sitting position. "In fact, I don't even _do_ 'friends'. Oh… ah piss, that came out wrong…"

The girl fell into another fit of laughter. "You're funny! And my name's not Sheila! OH! I know we can play a guessing game! A game where you try to guess my name and I try to guess your name and if we give up we gotta yell it!"

Sniper groaned. "Do I have to?"

"Yup!"

He groaned. "So… is it… Daphne?"

"Nope!"

"… Kara?"

"Guess again!"

"… does it have something to do with pink? Bloody hell, it's all you wear!"

She giggled. "Yes!"

He was surprised that somebody would name their kid something about pink. "…um…Pink… Pink-…-alina?"

She laughed again. "Nope, do you give up?"

"Yes. God, please, end it."

She jumped up in the air, completely unphased by Sniper's negativity. "My name is…" she rose in the air higher than he thought was possible. "…PINKIE PIIIEE!" She shouted at the top of her lungs.

"What's your name?" She inquired.

"Sniper."

"Ooh! Does that mean you were a veteran? Or were you just a really good shot? OOH! You must be a government spy that takes out criminals! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!"

Sniper facepalmed. "For the millionth time, will you _please _take me to the nearest town so I can look for me mates?" He looked around. "Also, I've gotta use the loo."

"Ooh! I know! I know! I can take you to Ponyville!" She grabbed his hand and skipped in the direction of Ponyville.

"Ow… that's… my face…" He complained as she dragged him on his face, his voice only audible through the height in Pinkie's jumps.

_Why must every eleven seconds of my life be filled with misery? Why? _He thought.

**_**_**Cauroselle Boutique**_

"AAAAAAGH!" A woman screamed. "IT'S A ROBBER!" She pointed at the giant man with a gun strapped to his back, who was fiddling with the door, confused on how to get it open.

The man looked back. "Oh. Can you help Heavy open door? I wake up here and cannot get out." He pointed to the ceiling, which had a Heavy-shaped hole in it. "I cannot get to hole on ceiling, so I try door, but it is locked."

Rarity was astounded. Did he really think he could fool her? "You made that hole yourself, you lying thief! Why would you be in the shop before it opens?"

He shrugged. "I do not know, I wake up here." He rubbed his tummy. "And big tummy hurts. I think I fall on it."

Rarity was still unconvinced. She pointed at his shotgun and yellow boxing gloves. "Why would you have those? They look awfully menacing."

"Oh. Well, de gloves are for flying! Demoman made them for me. He is good friend."Rarity

Rarity decided that she'd play along. "And the gun?"

Heavy sensed that the lady would not like knowing about his job. "It is just for show. I would _never _use it, Heavy promises you!"

She cocked an eyebrow, arms crossed.

"It is true, missure." A man in full blue suit and a mask appeared behind her, making her yelp. "Zis man is nothing but a teddy bear."

She turned around. "YOU! You're wearing a mask! Thief! Get out!"

Spy had to come up with a lie quickly. "You misunderstand, madame! We are only looking for ze proper place to acquire ze proper clothing! I saw your sign, and came in through the only available door."

Rarity instantly brightened at the thought.

"You're telling me," Twilight questioned, "That you fell from the sky?"

"Yes." A tall man in a lab coat said. He had been flung into Twilight's backyard with Scout. "You clearly do not believe us, so I vwill not bozzer explaining it to you."

"No, no! Tell me!"

Scout sighed. "First of all, it would take way too long to explain. Second, why the hell do you care?"

She crossed her arms. "Well, I kind of want to know what two what two suspicious looking guys are doing in my back yard."

Medic sat down. "Vwell, if you insist. I warn you, you vwill be surprised."

He proceeded to tell twilight the story.

* * *

A mysterious beach…

* * *

The blue-bearded Solider was searching for his valuable _Slope Scoper_ hat in the rocks. "I should have kept the damn gibbous… now I'm out three keys!"

Something dropped on his bare head. "What the…" It was a letter.

Then about a thousand more letters fell on his bare head.

Solider dug himself out of the pile of paper. "What the hell…" A gray blur was whizzing towards him. Years of war had sharpened his reflexes, instantly thinking of an air raid. He then realized that the gray blur was screaming for its life. It was a woman, falling from the sky.

He went to the highest point he could find and sprinted off of it. He caught the woman in mid-fall, flying past the sand and into the oceanic waters.

Solider got a better look at the woman. She was passed out, but he could make out her features. She was a relatively tall girl, probably in her twenties or thirties. She had blonde hair that flowed in the water. She wore a grey sweatshirt and brown pants.

Solider rushed to pull her to the shore, keeping her head above the water. He finally got her to the land, carrying her to the nearest rock and propping up her head. He checked her pulse. It was there, but her breathing wasn't happening.

"Oh, no…" He cursed his luck, he had to perform CPR. _Well, at least it's not somebody like Tavish…_

The girl coughed a few times, spitting out water. Her eyes opened. They were yellow, and to Soldier's surprise, out of sync. The pupils were in different directions.

"Oh, you poor girl…" He said.

She noticed Solider for the first time. "Did you… are you the one who saved me? Thank you, goodness, thank you!"

He nodded. "You were falling from the sky."

She facepalmed. "Oh, dear, not again…" She looked around. "My mail… I need to make deliveries! Oh, this is terrible! She stood up, still shaky-legged, looking for her.

Solider, to his surprise noticed that she had wings. Not the fake type that Heavy wore, but real, grey, feathery wings that sprouted out of her shoulders.

"Were you… flying?" he asked. She turned around. "Oh my goodness I forgot to repay you!" She went back over to him. "Come, I'll buy you a coffee. Well, if I can find sugar cube corner… Oh, jeez, I never told you my name! I'm Derpy." Solider stood there, shocked at her sudden cheerfulness. "My name's Solly, but you can call me Soldier, I guess. And, uh… sure, I'd love a coffee. Once I find my hat…" She noticed his beard for the first time. "Oh, and this is fake." He took off the plastic beard and looked for his hat. There it was, right in front of his nose, on the rock next to Derpy.

Derpy smiled. "That's a nice hat. Is it for skiing?"

He shook his head, thinking up something to cover up for explaining his job. "No, I uh… just bought this, was gonna bring it to the most unlikely place possible. Me and my friends were having a contest to see who looked the most ridiculous. So I brought it to the beach."

Derpy laughed. "You must have some crazy friends."

"Oh, jeepers, tell me about it." A thought came back to him. "Can you fly?" He thought he sounded stupid, asking if somebody could fly. _Of course she can't fly, she's a human, just like you._

"Of course I can fly, I'm a Haosian!" She spun around, showing off her wings. "I'm a civilian, though, not a guardian."

Solider was confused, but decided to pretend he knew what was going on. "Oh, I see." He continued to walk to town with his new friend.

* * *

There were very few things that Engineer didn't understand. One of them was why he was stuck in a dark, foreboding lab.

He was strapped into a metal chair of sorts. His _Virtual Reality Headset _was gone, replaced with a device hanging from the ceiling. There was a window shining but a speck of light, breathing false hope into the darkness of the laboratory. Engineer could see that he was high up, probably on a mountain. He could see a little village far off in the distance, as well as a forest. What surprised him was the cloud in the sky that looked like a city. Like a real city made of clouds.

The door opened, and two men walked in. They both had similar features and clothing; short, black hair, a black suit. They were both smiling manically, briefcases in their hands.

"Why, hello there, Mr. Cohnager," Said the shorter man. "We've been expecting you."

"Who the hell are you?" Engineer asked. "And what have you done with the rest of my team?" They just smiled. The short man took his briefcase and placed it in a slot on the bottom of the chair. The chair made a sizzling, electrical noise. The contraption on his head lit up, and a surge of electrical energy went through his body. It was excruciating to engineer; he could feel every cell in his body sizzling, morphing, corrupting. He was no longer Dell Cohnager. He was a monster, not born, but created. He was an oddity of mankind.

**Author's Note:** How's it goin', bras? This will be the start of a new TF2 MLP crossover fic, as you could probably see. Hope you liked the first installment, cause there's more where this came from. I chose the Humanized Equestria because the idea of all of the characters being human is easier to understand for me :P. Love you guys, hope you liked it.


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